OK, so it's Tuesday morning and we should probably be all: 'woo, here's an amazing electro dance track that's going to make your week more exciting'. But we're not. We're feeling a little more sombre, a little more sedate at the moment. So instead we'll say this:
'Woo, here's a really stunning track that will ease you back into life after the last Bank Holiday of 2010'. And that's a depressing thought that will stop anyone dead in their tracks, no matter what they are dancing to.
The track in question? 'Atoms' by Alphabet Pony. Alphabet Pony make music that could generally be considered dubstep (because, err, that's what it is), which is not an area we tend to delve into on a day to day basis, but might have to if it all sounds as good as this. (We've googled some, and it doesn't).
Their track 'Atoms' is a stunning lo-fi experience. Minimal production, heartfelt vocals and a really laidback vibe that works just as well at 5am on a Sunday morning as it does on the way to work on a Tuesday.
Alphabet Pony 'Atoms'
Now Alphabet Pony are so modern that they don't have a MySpace page we can direct you to to 'listen to more Alphabet Pony' so if you like what you hear you can rummage around YouTube a bit or 'socially interact' with them on their Facebook page.
PS. We have no clue how the above image relates to anything. It's what Alphabet Pony have chosen to illustrate their Facebook page and if it's good enough for them then it is good enough for us.
The following took place at the Swedish Polar awards. Which is a music 'thing' they have over there.
We would like to suggest that if Robyn is struggling for tracks for 'Body Talk pt.3' then this cover version would go down a treat.
Footnote: As Robot was writing this, Pigeon poked his head around the door and said the following: 'I don't like it. She doesn't add anything to the song and sounds like she is struggling to hit every note'. While we appreciate the input, he is basically wrong.
Here are some notes on an album we are listening to a lot at the moment.
1. It is very quiet and makes us want to get into bed and listen with only one eye poking out from under the covers. 2. There is a noticable drum'n'bass influence but not in the 'painfully unlistenable' sense of the term 'drum'n'bass'. 3. Think more Olive than General Levy. 4. Bright Light Bright Light is on said album. 5. We have fallen a little in love with it.
The album we are talking about is by a man who calls himself Error Operator. This may have been obvious due to the image we have used to illustrate this post.
We mentioned Error Operator before when he remixed Bright Light x2's 'Love Pt 2' single in the not too distant past. The album covers (as mentioned above) a little drum'n'bass and also at times some hip hop influences, but this is not an album just for people who like drum'n'bass or hip hop. This is an album for people who like DJ Shadow or Zero 7 and who sometimes stay up too late doing nothing and then need something to listen to because the sun is coming up and it's probably too late to go to bed anyway.
A few favourite tracks from the album include:
1. 'Catch Release': This one sounds a little like Sigur Ros. At least, there is a sad piano on it and all sorts of chimes. It would sound wonderful in a movie where someone was sat near a window while it was raining. Possibly an actress like Kristin Scott Thomas, thinking about her children.
2. 'July': This one sounds like Bright Light Bright Light. Mainly because Rod Thomas is singing on it. Fans of his will feel at home here as there is perfect opportunity here for Mr Thomas to pile his emotional lyrics about how crap love can be over a wonderful, throbbing beat. We should also mention the lovely chorus - which helps.
3. 'Powerlines': Remember when Plan B was an angry British rapper instead of a chubby bloke in a suit trying to be a male Amy Winehouse? Well, this one features a rapper called Grizzle Emcee, who, while not quite as aggressive as Plan B at his most furious, has a similar air of oppression and inner city blues. Again, there are lots of ponderous beats and a big sombre piano holding the track together. It should also be noted that this track includes the best lyric about footwear we have ever heard: 'I'll never fall from a foot like a flip-flop'. Insightful and very true.
The album is a thoughtful, sample-heavy affair, with stirring speeches adding a sense of drama to the laidback proceedings. It's basicaly brilliant, and alongside Royksopp's 'Senior' is without question our chill-out album of choice from 2010.
The album is due for release on iTunes and Spotify on 13 September. We don't recommend jumping out of bed on that date to listen to the album, we recommend making it through the day, coming home, having your dinner and then getting into bed and giving it a listen.
Anyway, here is the album's introduction. It is called 'Introduction' but it is more than just a few seconds of nothingness and is instead a fully fledged song which possibly deserves a better title than the one it has been given.
It also probably sums up what the album sounds like a lot better than the above waffle.
If you're going to put your sweet, delicate pop song in the hands of someone like Yuksek, you're probably pretty aware of what he's going to do to it. It's basically going to be twisted and turned into an epic dancefloor no matter how it started out.
Case in point? Danish popstar Oh Land's summery, Feist-esque 'Sun of a Gun'. Originally a feel-good, piano-led happy 'thing', which is just one major advertising campaign away from establishing a new Scandinavian superstar, now a dark, bass-heavy dancefloor monster. True, it lacks a true 'shit hitting the fan' moment that so many previous Yuksek remixes have exploded into approximately 1:33 before the remix's end, but in this instance, a slightly more subtle approach is quite satisfactory. And we're usually not once for a subtle approach. We like it when remixers run at a track screaming and banging pipes together.
Oh Land 'Sun of a Gun' (Yuksek remix)
PS. Oh Land is probably not new if you are from Denmark but to us, she is. We don't know if anyone is in the market in Britain for a new favourite Scandinavian popstar, but if you like your pop brilliance with a little class and also playable over dinner, then you could do a lot worse than listening to the rest of Oh Land's music at her MySpace page.
We have loved Ke$ha since we first heard 'Backstabber' at the beginning of 2009. In that time she's gone from being our new popstar of choice to an international popstar of sub-GaGa importance and moderate tabloid sensation.
We don't listen to 'Tik Tok' very much these days though, on account of having listened to it for about eight weeks solid when it was first leaked online.
However, the following trailer for her appearance at the MTV Video Awards not only makes Ke$ha seem like the super-exciting popstar she is, but also brings back all the excitement of a song we are all very, very tired of. Especially those bloody YouTube parodies which are all so far from 'lol'.
What follows isn't going to chart the music world or make your life substantially better in any way, but is far better than it ought to be. Her Majesty & The Wolves is the brilliantly named new music project from former Pussycat Doll Kimberley Wyatt (mostly famous for being able to get her leg behind her head). She did some singing on Aggro Santos 'Candy' single earlier in the year and kinda stuck it to Nicole Scherzinger by having a much bigger hit than the PCD frontwoman has yet achieved.
Her Majesty & The Wolves is a collaboration with producer Spencer Nezy, who is best known for his work with electropop outfit Jupiter Rising. Although we're going to be honest here, we had to do some googling to find out A. who Spencer Nezy was and B. that he was once in a group called Jupiter Rising.
Their first 'release' is Glaciers which is a spooky, space-aged dance track which we're a little smitten but not entirely ready to fall in love with. However, as prospects go, we're very interested to hear what else these two come up with and especially since it's clearly not just a woman doing some singing because she doesn't know what else to do and it's very much in her mind to become a very famous solo singer. Trying something a little different and a little out of the ordinary suggest some actual interest in making pop music. Which is a nice attribute for a popstar.
She should put her leg over her head in any videos they might be considering though. That'd be good.
Robot & Pigeon didn't really like it when Katy Perry kissed a girl and she liked it. We did get all yes then no, then up then down, then in then out when she was Hot N Cold. And we certainly put our Daisy Duke bikinis on top for California Gurls. Now we're piling on the Sudocreme in an attempt to keep up with her Teenage Dream.
Everyone is getting excited because the album cover features Perry naked and lying in candy floss. To be honest we'd prefer ours on a stick. We don't want lady bits rubbed all over our spun sugar thank you very much.
However, the cover is of little importance. What we care about is what comes on the shiny disc/illegal download. And lots of the songs leaked onto the internet this week so we can have a little listen.
We're excited about this: Katy Perry 'Last Friday Night':
And a bit more excited about this: Katy Perry 'Peacock':
But most of all excited about this: Katy Perry 'Firework':
They'll probably get taken down before we even hit 'publish' on this post. So here's a written description (using words) to describe what we heard (using ears).
Last Friday Night: The party song. Culminates in a "T.G.I.F" chant and a faux sax solo.
Peacock: An extremely thin metaphor for "Show me your penis", but sung in the style of Lady Gaga so that's ok then.
Firework: Awful, awful, awful lyrics. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant song. Think Kelis' '4th Of July', but with people actually buying the record.
We know Perry is an acquired taste, but she tastes of fun, and we like eating fun.
Because sometimes we're just too busy to write about everything that happened this week. And sometimes we're so busy we don't even get a chance to write a couple of bullet points. Our excuse this time is mainly related to new born babies... 1. The X-Factor starts started on Saturday. Some people will sing. Some will be good. Some will be bad (and mentally retarded). Some people will claim it's killing real music. Some people will ask what 'real' music even is. The winner will sell a lot of records. Some of the money from sales of that records will find their way into an advance for a new band. The X Factor is brilliant. Bye bye Saturday nights.
2. Some nasty youths ruined one of our popular features. Vandals tore down our billboard outside Pak's Wig shop that we like to use to pass social commentary on the music industry's use of advertising budgets.
We think maybe they were upset at the 3OH!3 advert. They seem to like Chase & Status though.
3. Someone tried to kill Alexandra Burke Well, her career at least. After that awful, awful, awful (awful just doesn't cut it) deodorant campaign someone saw fit to approve this as a video.
We couldn't physically watch beyond 1:04. If there's an ironic postmodern shift where Alexandra stops mid song and says "What are you trying to do here, kill my career? Let's make a real music video", and then all the exercising gays explode to be replaced with jungle animals doing a synchronised routine, let us know.
4. Robot & Pigeon's local hairdresser is where all the top US celebrities go
We've never seen Kelly Rowland or Ludacris hanging around D'Juniors, but that doesn't mean they've never been there. In fact we're sure they must have been there. Otherwise they'd never have agreed to their likenesses being used on the sign would they? Would they?
And that was everything that happened this last week.
What follows is the video for the new Bag Raiders single, 'Way Back Home'. We previously commented that this song could be described as 'beyond incredible' (and that still stands).
Here is the video.
Nope, we have no idea what's going on either but we are always impressed by fast moving things, flashing lights and special effects. So we say: 'WELL DONE THE BAG RAIDERS'. What a nice way to start a Friday.
Everyone gets so bloody hung-up on words, lyrics and choruses that sometimes it's good when something comes along and is all: 'Hello. I am a pop song that is so good it doesn't matter that no one is singing on it'.
And that has happened. It has happened and it is this. The new Pacific! (don't forget the exclamation-mark) video for their instrumental single, 'Narcissus'.
Now Pacific! are very much a band with a singer so we wonder if this was recorded in secret while he popped out for a poo.
We saw them live a few years ago and their songs with words were amazing, in fact, Pacific! were so good that they were better than the band they were supporting, Pnau. Pnau were, to be totally honest, a bit of a racket.
So there's a little history lesson about what we were doing and thinking in the past.
Fever Ray just needs to hiccup* and the entire blog world are in a froth writing about how amazing she is.
Problem here lies in that we are a blog in the blog world (we're almost quoting Aqua there) and we are currently frothing over how amazing the Fever Ray cover of Peter Gabriel's 'Mercy Street' is.
A track Fever Ray has been performing at her infrequent live shows, 'Mercy Street' is the most straightforward, accessible song in the Fever Ray arsenal (hahaha - 'arse'). We're guessing this is because an old pop singer wrote it, therefore limiting the opportunities to sing about watering plants and what she does on a weekend.
It is also interesting hearing what Karin Dreijer-Andresson can do in the field of 'simple pop music'. It is very close to being commercial - and for a woman who did something so awful at an awards ceremony that it couldn't be shown on the TV, 'being commercial' clearly isn't on the agenda.
So for fans of Fever Ray, here's something amazing. If you're yet to discover how amazing this woman is, 'Mercy Street' is the perfect 'hello there'.
Fever Ray 'Mercy Street'
*Please note: We are not comparing this song to a hiccup or any other noisy bodily function.
What sort of descriptions would you expect people to use when talking about a new single by Lo Fi Fnk?
'Cutting edge pop'? 'Stunning Swedish electronica'? 'Ethereal dancefloor bliss?'
Well, how about 'inspired by Benny Hill'? Because that's exactly how the new Lo Fi Fnk single opens - with a manic trumpet which inspires thoughts of leering old men chasing barely-dressed women around a park. But it's not a bad thing, just a bit of a surprise, and thankfully the rest of 'Sleepless' could be summed up with the phrases above - except all of them make us cringe a little bit, so we're not keen to repeat them.
So, in summary: you will like the new Lo Fi Fnk single if you are a dirty old pervert or a fan of pop music which doesn't necessarily make sense on the first listen, but by the fourth time through, you begin to appreciate that genius pop music doesn't always have to sound like 'Biology' by Girls Aloud.
Kelly Rowland is just one of those people you would love to see do well, isn't she? Not out of wanting to see her get one up on Beyonce because we all love her too, but just because she seems nice and seems to genuinely enjoy being a popstar and doing her job.
So it's always good to hear a new Kelly Rowland single and think 'Oh, that's a good song' and not that we'd rather be listening to 'When Love Takes Over' again. Because, lets be honest, all the good will in the world isn't going to sell singles and you can't base a pop career on being quite a nice lady.
Her new single, 'Forever And A Day' is officially very good, if not quite as 'on target' as the Sophie Ellis-Bextor single.
We especially love the house breakdown between 2:33 and, err, 2:40. Which doesn't leave anyone much of a window of opportunity to do something exciting in a club but lets just be grateful for a window of any description. It's certainly better than staring at a brick wall for seven seconds.
Here is the song:
Kelly Rowland 'Forever and a Day'
That was good. Now can someone please give it a remix and make those seven seconds into seven minutes. She should get that Guetta fella on the phone.
It's sort-of amazing that it hasn't been done before. If ever there was an artist worthy of a high-fashion makeover it was Sophie Ellis-Bextor. Sure, she's always been perfectly turned out, but in a classier-end-of-the-high-street sort of way rather than in the unattainable, perfectly groomed manner in which she appears in her new video for 'Not Giving Up On Love'.
Going high-fashion works because basically, Sophie Ellis-Bextor isn't your friend. She's not one of us, she's a popstar and even if she's floundered somewhat over the past couple of years, she's always had that star quality now that makes her aloof and better than us plebs. If we want high-street we've got the likes of The Saturdays to aim for.
Here is a pop music video in which she probably looks the best she has ever looked throughout an entire career of looking lovely.
And, lets be honest, the song is pretty damn wonderful as well. It may not be quite in the same league as her Spiller collaboration, 'Groovejet', but from the piano intro to the epic, 4am in the morning crescendo, 'Not Giving Up Love' brims with more personality and more 'Sophie' than an entire album of Freemasons collaborations.
Here is something that has annoyed us this week. This:
What is it RobotPigeon? It is a Justin Bieber song called 'U Smile' that has been slowed down a lot.
Why are people talking about it RobotPigeon? Because it allegedly sounds a bit like Sigur Ros (it doesn't), and because anything anti-Bieber is hilarious (it isn't). Why has it annoyed you RobotPigeon? Because it's a load of toss. It's just a slowed down song that happens to have been recorded by a little boy, who is very popular with little girls, and for some reason that irritates some grown ups who were never intended to enjoy his music in the first place.
Do you like Justin Bieber RobotPigeon? No.
Does he have any impact whatsoever on your life RobotPigeon? No.
Is that all RobotPigeon? Yes.
PS. Full credit to Shamantis for creating some viral buzz. We wish we thought of it.
On October 11th of this very year Starsmith, the producer responsible for making Ellie Goulding sound nice on record, will release his debut single.
Here are some things we know about the release:
1. The artwork is very orange (see right).
2. Starsmith has a new logo (see right).
3. The release is a double A side. Suggesting that both songs are equally as good as each other. Everyone knows that it's always possible to choose one song over another so really it's just a clever marketing ploy. Starsmith's good song and not-as-good song are called 'Give Me A Break' and 'Knuckleduster'.
4. The tracks contain samples.
5. But the samples have been cleared.
6. Starsmith's real name is an anagram of Mid Town Fish.
Here are some things we don't know about the release:
1. What it sounds like.
The only thing we can find that gives us a hint of where the Starsmith sound is headed is this Youtube video of the back of a man's head:
We will bring you more audible information as we get it. In the meantime here are some observational themed games to keep you occupied:
1. How many red cars go past the window?
2. How many ambulances go past the window and what emergency might they be attending?
3. Can you spot Will Smith's son Jaden Christopher Syre Smith?
4. How many Starsmith fingers are on display? (thumbs are not fingers)
5. If Ellie makes eight chapatis and Fin makes nine chapatis and Ellie drops one chapatis on the floor and they each eat four chapatis what percentage does the label take?
Here's an interesting music industry anomaly. When Scissor Sisters were sowing the seeds for the new album they leaked the track 'Invisible Light' on the internet. Now they're putting it out as a single. Only it's not big balls out "Here's the new single from the Scissor Sisters" style single. That would be confusing because the big balls out "Here's the new single from the Scissor Sisters" style single is 'Any Which Way' (that we talked about just the other day).
No, this single is a 500 copy limited edition transparent yellow vinyl single. It's released on Boys Noize Records. Boys Noize being the same Boys Noize who does fucking amazing remixes. He's done a fucking amazing remix of Invisible Light.
There are also fucking amazing remixes from Stuart Price and Siriusmo. If we were forced to make a choice we'd say our favourite fucking amazing remix is the Siriusmo one.
Scissor Sisters 'Invisible Light' Siriusmo remix:
Don't go anywhere, we haven't finished yet.
Our favourite thing about this release is 'Invisible Light' itself. It is SUCH a good song. It's epic, explosive and esoteric (it's not esoteric of course, we just wanted some nice alliteration). If we're having a bad tube journey we like to put this on and stand in front of the blasts of dirty tube air coming through the windows and pretend we're in front of a wind machine at the "ah-ah-ah" "oh-ooh-ooh-ooh" bits.
We'd have loved this to be a 'proper' Scissors single. But it's not. So we'll settle for this yellow piece of plastic instead. You can BUY IT here and you can MP3 it here.
Because we're too busy to write about everything we've seen, done and listened to. Mostly using power tools in our lounge and finding out it's not a good idea to use the coffee table as a work bench BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRWHOOPS...
1. There's brand sponsorship, there's bad brand sponsorship, there's awful brand sponsorship, and then there's oh-my-God-that-is-tragic-Alexandra-Burke-aren't-you-ashamed-and-wonder-what-you're-actually-doing-with-your-career brand sponsorship. etc etc etc to hell and back
2. Alex Metric done a mix tape. It is good. As you would expect.
Alex Metric Mixtape:
3. Blackroom (nee Lorraine) done some new songs. They are good. As you would expect. This one is called Ecstacy. We think it is about the emotion rather than the class A.
Blackroom 'Ecstacy':
4. A week ago Eminem and Rihanna uploaded a video for their ditty 'Love The Way You Lie' and over 30million people watched it. That is about 50 people a second (subject to our awful maths being correct).
The video stars Dominic Monaghan and Megan Fox. Mr Monaghan has come a long way from his Hetty Wainthrop days, but he's got a real temper on him. He's probably angry that Megan Fox drew all over his shoulders with a biro.
The song is fucking great. Seriously. Well, the Rihanna bit is.
Disclaimer: We are aware this is horrific. Absolutely horrific.
In about a year we will regret saying this, but we are absolutely in love with The Midnight Beast' 'Booty Call'. Maybe because it's a Friday and we have eaten an entire packet of cookies and had too much coffee and are foaming at the mouth a bit.
Give it until the "No, I want to play Cluedo" line, and if you don't like it by that point turn it off and pretend we never mentioned it.
It's like the terrible love child of The Wombats, Hadouken!, Ke$ha, Sean William Scott, Example and a bag of Haribo. In a strange way we are hypnotised by the video, and the song is actually improved by the oh-so-literal visuals.
Remember when All Saints did a song called Bootie Call? That was good. It was in Pigeon's top 4 All Saints Chart. In fact:
That's aged rather well. Not sure we'll still be listening to The Midnight Beast in a decade...
'Any Which Way' was one of our favourites from Scissor Sisters' latest album Night Work. That's probably the reason it got chosen as the second single. We were hoping the video might have been a love story about a trucker/fist fighter and an orangutan called Clive. Sadly we have to settle for this:
No orangutans, but SO MUCH to look at. We want a Scissor Sisters alarm clock please. And we hope Del's head was ok after they SET IT ON FIRE. It's so dangerous being a guitarist these days.
We're going to spend our entire weekend learning that dance routine. And then we will have forgotten it by Monday. Such is the fickle nature of the music industry.
That is probably the last time we'll ever write orangutan on this blog.
One day we are going to do a coach trip to the 'Wonderful Pop Star Insemination Clinic' in Sweden, where you can ensure your children grow up to be brilliant at making music, and then bring back a whole load of ladies pregnant with pop stars so we can reinvigorate the UK pop scene.*
In the meantime we'll satisfy ourselves with the lovely Swedish imports. This lady is called Rosanna . She has been snapped up, along with Bright Light Bright Light, to front Popjustice Hi-Fi's first batch of releases.
If we were her we'd move flat as she's going to get a terrible damp problem with all those rain clouds in there. If we were her we'd also be a sexy blonde lady with a massive hit on our hands - so maybe property is the last thing on her mind.
There's a terribly good Fear Of Tigers remix kicing around as well. In case you fancied having a massive dance to this song:
Rosanna 'Waterfall' Fear Of Tigers remix:
The track is released on 22nd August on the aforementioned Popjustice Hi-Fi
Rosanna will be singing some songs on a stage in London on 18th August. This will take place at Gold Dust in Hoxton where we will probably be found dancing badly at the back.
*This would be highly unethical and illegal, and that clinic is really just a rubbish joke we made up. In case you were wondering.
Lets be honest, Sophie Ellis Bextor has had more lives than the feline inhabitants of your local RSPCA shelter over the bumpy ride of her pop music career.
Why people didn't take to the posh, British Kylie is beyond us because over the years she has released some really great songs - and, lets be honest, some shocking pieces of old tat. But, as she sings on her latest effort to engage with the indifferent British public, 'I'm not giving up' even if the sensible thing would have been to go and get a job in an office years ago.
Fortunately, she didn't, and so we have the follow slice of amazing Euro-trance-pop / British poshness combination in Sophie's new single, a collaboration with Armin van Buuren, 'Not Giving Up On Love'.
Please ignore the fact the video below appears to have the world 'minge' scrawled across the top left.
Now, we doubt very much that something so very 4am-in-the-morning, not-quite-sober is going to see Sophie back to the glory days of 'Take Me Home' or any of her other early Top Ten placings, but we commend her for releasing something with a little more 'oomph' than, say 'Me & My Imagination' or 'I Won't Change You'.
Hooray *pops solitary party popper* Fenech-Soler have signed a record deal with B Unique (home to Kaiser Chiefs, Primal Scream and, ew, The Twang). This is VERY EXCITING.
The label, to celebrate signing RobotPigeon's favourite band of 2010™, have decided to put a song on a cd and you can pay money for it and then you are allowed to play it as many times as you like. They are calling it a 'single'. The name of the single is 'Lies'.
Yes, yes, yes. We know it has already been released once, but the truth of the matter is the amount of people who heard it last time was not sufficiently proportional to the greatness of the song. To try and sort of hide the fact that it's been out once already the band have filmed a new video, which looks similar, if not identical, to this:
Following extensive market research we discovered that this new video appeals to Ellie Goulding fans:
And to people who love Friendly Fires:
But not to 20 year old boys from Glasgow:
Oh well, you can't please everyone. But they have pleased us, and that should be enough to keep anyone going. Lies is out in September. Please buy it.
PS. This is what happened when we spoke to Fenech-Soler earlier in the year.
We're always a bit shocked when people arrive at our blog having searched for 'Ke$ha's foot' (YES we can see what you search for). So this one should get us loads of hits as there are plenty of shots of people's (mainly Alphabeat's we're guessing) feet in the new Alphabeat video.
We love Alphabeat (who doesn't). We love listening to them (who doesn't). We love watching their videos (who doesn't). Things you will see in this video include:
1. Stine's lovely new hair.
2. Anders SG doing his crazy tambourine dancing at double speed AND in slow motion. We're starting to think that tambourine can control time. This requires further investigation.
3. A man trying to copy Anders SG's time controlling dance and failing miserably through exhaustion.
4. Anders SG drinking a pint of beer.
5. One of Alphabeat NOT WEARING ANY SOCKS. We hope Stine carries plasters in her handbag.
Things you will definitely not see as there is definitely not a brand sponsorship deal for this video definitely not do not include:
6. A plethora of Sony HD cameras/phones/cameraphones.
We want to be back in a field at a festival now please thank you.
There are people alive in the world today who think something exists called 'real' music. You know the sort. They say things like "Simon Cowell and all that X-Factor rubbish is killing real music". They list their favourite bands as The Beatles, Radiohead and one other generic 'flavour of the month' band. They pretend they've never sung along to Agadoo. They think a whole branch of music can be written off under the umbrella of 'pop'.
These people exist for a reason. That reason being that an awful lot of bad pop music is produced, and it makes it very easy to forget that when pop is done well it is equal to, if not better than, any other genre going. And so (long windedly) on to Alesha Dixon's 'Drummer Boy'. Brace yourself for an example of everything that pop music should be...
There are so many reasons to like this it's hard to know where to start. So let's start at the very beginning (feel free to insert a Sound Of Music quote here if you really feel you need to. Just remember what happened to JLS when they dicked around with that shit, ok?):
1. For the first few seconds of this song you think "what the HELL is going on here?". That is what scientists call the 'what the hell' factor. What it means in terms of music is that someone has come up with an idea that grabs your attention and displays signs of originality.
2. The second thing you notice is that it doesn't give way to convention and let you off the hook. It's difficult the whole way through.
3. And yet, in spite of being difficult, there are a tonne of elements you can relate easily too. Most notably the "eey-ay-eeh-oh-oh-ohh-oh-oh", which we predict will do things of "Um-brella-ella-ella" proportions on the dancefloor.
4. We think she says 'shit', but it's cleverly hidden by a horn blast. Swearing is both big and clever, and bleeping it with a horn is always funny.
5. It is drum led. It has horns. And there is definitely a triangle in there.
6. If done properly, this is going to translate fantastically to a live performance. *Marching bands across the land patiently await a phone call*
7. If someone like Gaga put this out the entire world would collectively orgasm, but it's a risky release for an artist who, let's be fair, hasn't had the most blemish free solo career. If it's a flop Alesha will have to go away and record another ballad that can be used over some montages of starving African children. If it's a hit, and this is the up side of taking a risk, it will be a MASSIVE hit and Alesha will no longer need to hold up a gold paddle with a number on it to indicate her appraisal of a dance by a blonde girl from Hollyoaks.
8. Some people are going to HATE this. And that excites us. When people passionately hate something it validates that, for those who like it, it is something special and worth having an opinion on.
This excites us. This is what pop music is exists for. This is what this blog exists for. In short, two thumbs up from us.
Because we're too busy to write about everything we've seen, done and listened to. Mostly busy eating fishcakes and worrying about mice this week, it seems...
1. Bright Light Bright Light did a video for 'Love Part II'. If we say he's brilliant one more time there's going to be a world shortage of the word brilliant. He's brilliant.
2. VV Brown ditched the children's party clown look she had in the UK for something altogether more 'popstar' for her performance on the Letterman Show in America.
3. The new Example video for 'Last Ones Standing' put in an appearance and although we tried, we could think of nothing to say about it other than 'ho hum it's a bit like Life On Mars which we never liked' and also 'well he's blown any chance of going back to being slightly credible now'. It is a good song.
4. We really don't understand how Two Door Cinema Club have gone so apparently un-noticed. 'Tourist History', the album, is fucking great (we can't say brilliant as there's now a world shortage), and the new single 'I Come Back Home', out this week, comes complete with a video that you will need to watch at least three times.
(There is no chance in all hell that this is going to be a regular feature).
The name Miami Horror, like Midnight Juggernauts, Cut Copy, Bag Raiders, Chromeo, Fred Falke, Treasure Fingers or Yuksek is one which is almost always a guarantee of a very high standard of pop music indeed. But even so, pulling off a modern disco track is quite something, so have Miami Horror succeeded with new single, 'I Look To You'?
Of course they bloody well have.
Teaming up with singer Kimbra they have turned out a track which ticks all the boxes a disco track should. Toes tap, bums wiggle, imaginary glitter balls descend from the ceiling (that is not a testicle reference), the world suddenly seems a brighter place and everyone, you decide, would look better in flares and an afro. It could be a lost Chic track it's so good.
Miami Horror 'I Look To You'
'I Look To You' is taken from Miami Horror's debut album, 'Illumination' which is due for release on August 20. Calendar fans will note that August 20 is a Friday, so we're guessing this release date is not one for the UK. WHICH IS BLOODY TYPICAL TO BE QUITE HONEST.
*rants about Australian pop not seeing the light of day in the UK*
Singers sing. Actors act. Singers sing on albums. Actors act in films. Here is a film starring two singers.
There's a reason that singers quite often go on to become actors. It's because real singers don't just sing; they emote the lyrics. So we have no qualms with this whatsoever. In fact, if we're being totally honest, we're quite excited about 'Burlesque'. Well, more excited about it than the prospect of Justin Timberlake as Boo-Boo in the Yogi Bear movie.
Here are some reasons why:
ZOMG Cher can't even move her mouth to speak any more! "inshtead of pntng a cnvs yr pntng a fashe".
ZOMG it's the waitress from backstage, as portrayed by international all singing all dancing sensation Christina Aguilera, I wonder how the mild mannered waitress is going to survive in the rough, tough world of the nightclub where you need to be able to sing and dance. Hold on, she is opening her mouth: "Ooooohohhhwooooohooohoooowooooohooohooohohoooooo". ZOMG some awful dialogue. "what's your name?" "Alice" "Well Alice, welcome to Wonderzzzzzzzzzzz"
Let's face it this is going to be both brilliant and appalling at the same time, and when it's over someone is going to have to prise our thighs from around the pillars in the cinema foyer where we are spinning around and doing our best Christina wail. Oh dear.
Dragonette. They've been knocking around for a while now. Is there anything they can come up with to keep anyone interested?
Well, in a word: YES.
In two words: THIS SONG.
Dragonette 'My Things'
'My Things' is the latest in a long line of Dragonette songs that prove that these Canadians are leagues ahead of anyone else working in the current ladypop music arena. From their 'I Get Around' electro debut to the slinky indie of 'Our Summer', Dragonette are relentlessly flawless. This band are long overdue a little recognition outside of furious pop fansite like this one.
As pop songs go, 'My Things' is pretty much perfect. 10/10.
Earlier this year we were too hungover to turn up to a video call for Jonsi's 'Animal Arithmetic' video. They were asking for people in Central London to turn up dressed as animals. We've been dreading seeing the finished video and being wracked with regrets over 'what could have been'.
But then we saw this and are enormously relieved that we didn't show up, because there is not one Londoner dressed as an animal in the following video.
What we have instead is a lot of bits and pieces from the acoustic performance of 'Animal Arithmetic' that was on the 'Go Quiet' DVD which came bundled with the limited edition 'Go' album. Which is fine, if hardly as dynamic as his 'Go Do' video or recent London show.
PS. 'Go' is still Robot's favourite album of 2010.
Our hopes for the new Bag Raiders single were as follows:
1. A great big pop anthem (along the lines of 'Shooting Stars')
or
2. A massive club track (along the lines of 'Fun Punch').
And what have we ended up with? 'Way Back Home' has turned out to be a great big pop anthem which is a massive club track at the same time. It's the sort of radio friendly dancefloor smash that only Australian musicians could have achieved. It's basically incredible. Potentially 'beyond incredible', we're still debating whether we're willing to go that far on it.
Imagine The Presets toned it down a bit and spent more time listening to 90s club tunes. And weren't so scary. Well if you can, you're halfway to understanding how good 'Way Back Home' is.
But if you're not the sort who likes to imagine what music sounds like, then click THIS LINK and listen to 'Way Back Home' by Bag Raiders. It's basically the best new song you will hear all week. We promise it will make your day better.
We've lost track how many times we've written 'Bright Light Bright Light remix' on here. He's always playing around in the back end of people's work is Bright Light x2. But with a new single of his own on the horizon, it's his turn to be fiddled with.
'Love Part II' is (as you may already be aware) a soaring pop epic. However, in the hands of London based producer Erroroperator, it becomes a sparse, blissful, drum & bass influenced track which owes a lot to 90s chart toppers Olive ('You're Not Alone'). But that might only be because both go 'beep, beep beep' at the beginning...
As you can hear for yourself right here.
Bright Light x2 'Love Part 2' (Erroroperator remix)
On judgement day, when all things are being sorted into piles there will be a big one labelled 'underrated bands' and sat on the top of that pile will be Operator Please. Amazing band, amazing songs, amazing looking. Couldn't get a hit if they walked through Brixton yelling 'Bob Marley was a cunt'.
So we don't expect their new single 'Like Magic' to be a Number One single and we don't expect the world to suddenly wake up and realise what they've been missing out on in not listening to either of their brilliant albums.
Here's the new video, which is good if you like basketball but bad if you like looking at the people responsible for the music. Perhaps Operator Please were busy that day.
PS. This video is a clever reference to basketball player Magic Johnson. We didn't deduce this, someone else wrote it below the YouTube video. We'd have been none the wiser. We don't like sport. We like pop music.
Ke$ha's video director: "Look love, we've only got enough budget on this one to do special effects in the second part of the video, so for the first few minutes, just do what you like in front of the camera in a car park with some fake friends. OK?"
Ke$ha: "But dude, i'm so wasted."
Ke$ha's video director: "No you're not. All you've had is a Panadol and a cup of tea."
Ke$ha: "OK."
Here's Ke$ha's quite good new video for very good song 'Take It Off'. Our favourite from the 'Animal' album and one we listen to when jogging around Finsbury Park.
Footnote: Last weekend we ended up in local nightspot The Silver Bullet. It was across the bus station from the tube and the DJ was playing an odd mix of german techno, 60s, reggae and hip hop. We asked him for some Katy Perry or Ke$ha. We were told that the music policy was 'credible music only'. We turned away and he played 'Agadoo' by Black Lace. We did as much of the routine as we could remember. A pineapple was definitely pushed.
Once upon a time Jay-Z and Alicia Keys had a hit with 'Empire State Of Mind'. Then Keys decided she could do it better without that man shouting all over it and had her own hit with the imaginatively titled 'Empire State Of Mind (Part II)'. Now Paloma Faith, in a similarly US-state-themed-ditty scenario, has decided that her single 'New York' should be re-released, but this time with added man-shouting-all-over-it in the guise of Ghostface Killah (sic).
We really liked the original. It peaked at 15 in the UK charts, which wasn't really proportionate to the quality of the song if we're being honest, but does it merit a re-release? Here's the version with the additional 21 seconds of Mr Killah:
Paloma Faith & Ghostface Killah 'New York':
Now the problem with this is that it's lazy. "Here's your cheque Mr Killah, if you could just pop in there for 5 minutes and shout something over this old song that would be great." Does anyone really believe Faith and Killah were ever in the same room together? Do you think they've even met? In fact, do they even know who each other are?!
This sort of attitude towards music buyers really makes us angry (we're angry a lot this week). It would have been far better, braver, and have shown faith in the song, if they'd done a straight re-release. "Here's a song we put out once before. Maybe we didn't market it properly, maybe it was the wrong time of year, but we really believe in it, think it should have done better and we're giving it another chance" kind of thing. This is another case of the industry treating us like idiots. It's a shame because we'd have liked this to be a hit. Maybe it will be. If it is we'll eat our hat and come back to this post and add a rapper to it.
Let's listen to something that will cheer us up. Here's the Starsmith remix from the original release. We're off to buy 6,000 downloads of the album version. Paloma Faith (without that silly Ghostface man) 'New York' Starsmith Remix:
We're intrigued by this new Saturdays' singleEPalbum 'Headlines' thing. The label are calling it an album, but surely that's just so that they can stick it in a jewel case and charge full price for it.
It's 8 songs long. Or, specifically, six songs long with a remix and a radio edit. Three of which have already been released, in one form or another, as part of the last album.
Let's be clear before we go off on one. We like the Saturdays. They have some good songs. They're no Girls Aloud. But that doesn't mean we couldn't do with another good girl group. We'd like them to succeed. But this, to be frank(ie), smacks of record label desperation.
We've been intrigued to see how they were planning to flog this to the public. Here's how:
This is probably the first draft. The real thing will read something like this:
"The UK's hottest girlband are busy having malaria, designing a make up range for gingers, hiding in America from their fellow bandmates, pursuing an acting career and, er, what is Kimberly up to? So The Saturdays are ready to try and cash in with three old tracks and some songs that were on hold for the Girls Can't Catch album.
This hastily thrown together collection features a child's handful of songs, most noteably their vocodered-to-within-an-inch-of-its-life single, 'Missing You' (due 8th Aug). Also featured on the album is the (mildly disappointing number 9) hit 'Ego' and their number two smash 'Forever Is Over'! (actually these were both 'very good')
With some incredible old tat EXCLUSIVE to pre-orders only, we are on our knees begging you to please, please, please, please, we have no shame, please BUY NOW!
Pre-order your copy through HMV for a free GIANT (A6) poster of The Saturdays. Alternatively iTunes are offering bonus videos, which we definitely filmed exclusively for this release and not for the release of the singles as part of a previous marketing campaign, PLUS exclusive acoustic versions (Oh God - Frankie without auto tune) of the hits 'Ego' and 'Forever is Over'.
All this absolutely FREE, once you've paid £5.99, with your pre-order of 'Headlines'! Make sure you get in there quick guys and girls!"
Now, let's take a look at the video for the new single 'Missing You'. This is the song that was apparently so good that it demanded an entire mini-album be constructed around it.
Pfft.
Ok, ok. We've been a little harsh in this post perhaps, but if you want to nurture a wonderful new girl band you can't treat the public like a bunch of dim-witted twats with no ears and money to burn. People, especially pop fans, are not stupid. This is the very point upon which the record industry is falling down. You can't force feed us tat. You can't manipulate us. We don't care about free shit you pulled out the back of a cupboard. Or special editions. Or eight minute extended dance workout remixes. Or interim mini-albums. We just want good songs. You want to know the secret of Girls Aloud's success? It's because they release fucking great songs.
So, The Saturdays and your A&R team, you just need to give us more of this:
We just took a glance at our diary. It's like this week's London gigs were all hand picked by RobotPigeon.
Sunday 1st August (Today) - Unicorn Kid - Underage Festival We said:"Do you like haggis?" He said: "I’m normally a vegetarian, but I like vegetarian haggis. It’s mostly oats anyway isn’t it?"
Tuesday 3rd Aug - Othello Woolf - Hoxton Bar & Kitchen We said: "with echoes of Bowie, inflections of Elton John and riffs of 70s funk Woolf effortlessly sidesteps being robotpigeon-holed and makes us think 'yes, this man is exciting and interesting, without trying to be cool and trendy, whilst also being musically relevant, yet concurrently forward thinking. His general appearance is not hideous either'"
Wednesday 4th August - Midsomer Murders - ITV
AND: Wednesday 4th Aug - Safari - Stag's Head, Hoxton We said: "What smells make you feel sick?" They said: "There was a smell where we recorded our album. It was like Weetabix and cold porridge. It was a dead fox or something, and when you smelt it you couldn’t stand up."
Thursday 5th August - Peter Lyons - North London Tavern We said: "There are many layers and sounds firing off in all directions, which makes for more than your run of the mill singer-songwriter. Peter also released some of his music on a limited edition cassette tape, which earns instant 'redundant format' brownie points from us. We might have been late to the party on this one, but we promise to be at the front of the queue for him in future."
Friday 6th August - Dancing Robot Music - CAMP We said: "one has nice hair and the bottom one has BRILLIANT hair" (don't let it be said we never let anything drop). Here's something new we have to say about them that could be used in a soundbite capacity: They sound like Fischerspooner took a pill and went to the Haribo factory to steal some samples from a Tangfastic crocodile, then added some casio bleeps and a rousing build to form an 80s inspired, yet forward thinking, disco volcano. And they have great hair.
AND
Friday 6th August - Slaughterbrains - The Camp, Islington We said: "As Dannii will probably say on X Factor this Saturday - 'You've got the full package. Banging beats, some bloody logos, a strong horror identity, massive potential. You could press it tomorrow and make a hit ricord.'"
That is next week sorted then. Let us know if we've missed anything...
NB. In no way, shape or form was this a post designed solely to ensure we are on the guest list for all these dates.
OK, so it's Tuesday morning and we should probably be all: 'woo, here's an amazing electro dance track that's going to make your week more exciting'. But we're not. We're feeling a little more sombre, a little more sedate at the moment. So instead we'll say this:
